What’s the best way to support your loved one post-layoff? Just ask.
Getting laid off feels like the plot twist you never saw coming. When you’re the one impacted, it can feel like life just served up a curveball, but that curveball hit you square in the face, leaving you sprawled out on your back staring up at the sky thinking, “What the F just happened? There are lots of resources out there that provide direction if you’ve just been laid off. But what if you’re an ex-coworker and still want to support your friend? If your spouse just got laid off, you might be wondering, “How do you support them and stay in equilibrium through this process?” This post is for all the folks orbiting someone who has recently been laid off, and who want to help but don’t know where to start. You might find yourself simultaneously thanking your lucky stars that it wasn’t you, then subsequently experiencing survivors guilt, while also wondering, “How do I help?”
To find out, we’ve gathered expert advice and community insights to answer that question once and for all. The solution might just be simpler than you’d expect. 253,629 employees (and counting) have already been laid off in 2023, so it's time to learn how to offer emotional and tactical support during this uncertain time. Let’s get into it.
The Layoff Lowdown
Research shows that 40% of Americans will experience a layoff or termination during their career. So, if you've ever found yourself crunching numbers with your partner, trying to figure out how to survive on one salary while wearing the "strong one" hat, you’re not alone.
Layoffs shape lives and impact families. I still remember watching my parents talk in hushed tones around the kitchen table after my dad was laid off in 2009. How would they make ends meet? Would we have to sell the farm? Let’s face it, being let go from your job is a frightening prospect and one that is often steeped in shame, earned or not.
A little empathy goes a long way, as we’ll hear from a few professionals who have been through it.
Expert Advice
We asked several folks who have overcome layoffs to share their advice on the best ways to support someone impacted. The type of support needed can vary based on the relationship, so we’ve broken down the stories based on your role in the job seeker's life.
Being an Ally to a Former Coworker or Professional Connection
Carsten Schwerm, Vice President of Global Marketing and Customer Success at Emozo Labs impressed the importance of being an ally to job seekers by continuing to reach out after the initial wave of support has died down. Your connection will likely get a flood of support during the initial “reveal” stage after informing the general public about their recent employment change. But this is often the hardest time for someone to take in aid. If the layoff just happened, they’re probably still emotionally reeling. Their resume isn’t ready to share, and they’re just starting to sift through the pieces to figure out what’s next.
The best way to be an ally to a former coworker or professional connection is to offer them support throughout their journey, not just once but repeatedly. Start by taking note of when the layoff occurred and put a reminder on your calendar to reach out in a few weeks.
When you do, your ask should be simple:
“Hey, I know you were impacted by a layoff a few weeks ago. How are you? Would you be free for a phone call this week to catch up?”
They’ve likely just gone from days filled with meetings and conversations, to the isolating silence of online applications. By offering to talk, you might just make their week. At the end of the call, offer to schedule a follow-up, just to keep in touch and hear about their progress. This way, you become a touch point who can bemoan the (probably many) closed doors along the way and celebrate the wins.
Carsten reminds us that sometimes, simply allowing someone space to vent helps them to process and move forward. The best gift you can give is continuing to be there for them. Not just once, but throughout their job search. On average, it takes 3 to 6 months to land a new role from application to offer letter, and there are a lot of hard moments in between. Bottom line: Keep showing up if you can.
Uplifting a Friend or Family Member
One community member advised a hands-off approach when it comes to supporting loved ones. Let's face it, nobody likes to be told what to do, especially in as personal a situation as a layoff.
“Patience is a virtue, first and foremost. Offer your support and assistance, but I advise against telling them what to do or how to do it (unless they ask). Everyone reacts differently, so personalize your approach through genuine empathy.”
To support a friend or family member, avoid swinging into “resolution” mode or even imagining a timeline. Even if you think you have the IDEAL job in hand for them, there’s no guaranteeing they’ll see it the same way. You can’t solve this problem for them – especially in the current job market.
One of the primary tenets of Co-Active coaching is that people are “naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.” That’s the kind of reminder your person needs in this moment – not to be pushed on their next steps. Tell them all the ways you know their value. Remind them that they are a whole person, and leave the solving up to them.
When I found myself unemployed, I started designing resume templates to prove to myself that I could accomplish a personal goal and create something of value. In this way, I reminded myself that my job status didn’t define my identity or self-worth (professionally or otherwise).
Being Patient with a Partner or Spouse
It’s hard watching your spouse struggle with uncertainty, especially when that uncertainty impacts your family’s well-being – all you want to do is fix it! But patience is key. Rather than focusing on driving to resolution, Simone Lima, an entrepreneur, impressed the importance of spouses remaining a #1 cheerleader.
“[My partner] has always been the first person to remind me that my worth doesn't depend on my employment and that I am more than what I do for a job (and that I can create my own job if I want to).”
With her partner's support, Lima did just that! She’s started consulting in the product management space while exploring her next opportunity.
Lima also calls out the importance of boundary setting as a spouse, sharing that her partner is great at asking, “Do you just want to vent, or do you want suggestions?” She says, “That helps create important boundaries in conversations where I might need more time to process the subject.”
So when you see your partner struggling, put a pin in judgment and ask what would help them out the most, whether that’s a listening ear or a wall to bounce ideas off of!
Supporting Yourself
If you’re reading this, then you’ve taken the first step in caring for someone who just had a pretty traumatic event happen to them. They’ve had their world shaken, and that is going to come out in their energy and availability (both mental and physical). Be patient with yourself and with them. They might not respond the first time you engage, so keep trying! It can be exhausting to support someone else’s needs. For you to do so, you need to be centered in yourself.
It’s like when the flight attendant tells you to “put your oxygen mask on first,” before helping others. If you run out of oxygen, you can't help anyone else. Set your loved one up for success by taking whatever space or time you need to process as well.
From the Community
Before writing this, I posted a series of LinkedIn polls (Poll 1, Poll 2, Poll 3) asking, “What are the best ways to support someone after experiencing a layoff?” The results were pretty surprising. I expected that offering a network connection or referral would come out on top. But out of 57 respondents, 25, or 44% of them said, “Ask how you can help.”
This chart shows what respondents saw as the best way to support someone after a layoff. 44% said “Ask how you can help.”
Both our experts AND our community were unanimous in the sentiment that the very best thing you can do to care for someone who has experienced a layoff is to ASK THEM. Does knowing that help take off the burden of supporting the job seeker in your life? Let us know!
When you start feeling anxious and inept when it comes to supporting your person, pause, and just go ask them what they need, that way, your assistance is perfectly in line with their moment in time.
To Sum it Up
Cheryl Young, Program Manager and Employment Specialist at Easterseals Oregon, reminds us that grieving is a requirement of the healing process. “Even if you didn’t like the job, it’s something you devoted a lot of hours to and it’s gone. Take some time to work through it so the grieving doesn’t show up in unhealthy ways when you’re interviewing for new jobs.”
To support your person after a layoff, remember that they need to grieve before they can move forward. Trying to jump right into the next thing can backfire. Young says, “It's like the post-breakup phase; you need it to avoid showing up at job interviews with emotional baggage.”
So give yourself and your person the gift of time and grace. We’re all just human after all. And when you want to support them but don’t know how, ask!
This post was written based on the brilliant expertise and insights of Carsten Schwerm, Simone Lima, Cheryl Young, and so many others. Thank you all so much for your excellent contributions!
Morgan
Morgan McCaughey | Career Coach
CEO, Braggin Right
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